ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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