she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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