Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
