I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
