Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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