My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
