Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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