He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
