you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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