Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
