I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
