This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
