i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
