the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
