She said her name was "party"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm at about main and main street
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
