Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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