Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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