her vagine was all disorganized.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
