That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
