He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
