I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
