I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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