You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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