I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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