i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
