You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
