Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I came so hard my ears popped.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
