from now on my penis is your penis
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
