the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
