I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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