Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
