I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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