Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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