We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
