i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
