my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
