I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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