so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
