does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
is it fun? or sober?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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