i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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