but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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