Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
