After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
