she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
