so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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