You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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