Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Two words: blizzard sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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