Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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