Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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