what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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