Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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