I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
