and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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