I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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