Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
