you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
