I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
