he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My life is pants optional.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
