I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
