I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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