Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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