Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
