We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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