Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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