Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
