I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's what I'm talking about
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.