i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.