im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂