Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you