I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."