There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug