So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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