He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
