I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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