Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
