i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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