If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if only i could text you this smell
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
