Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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