Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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