So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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