she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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