I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
