Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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