His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
