apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
