who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
