Your mouth is God's brothel.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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